Changes/The Last One

It has been a while since I last wrote something for this blog, the reasons for which are many. I became discouraged that I was not reaching anyone, because honestly it appeared as though no one was reading what I wrote; to include people who seemed excited about this idea at first. I also discovered that I had developed a gluten intolerance and a Vitamin D deficiency, this was after months of not feeling well. Add in a demanding bachelors degree, family time, an epic summer European travel, and moving back to the states; and my year has been quite full.

Today I felt the need to add one more post to this blog, because so much has changed since the last post; which was written shortly after seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens. In the post I wrote about Anakin’s lightsaber making a cameo, Kylo Ren’s intentions, and Anakin’s possible appearance in the new Star Wars movie, expected to hit theaters next summer. My main concern being that Anakin’s legacy will dealt with properly, not to mention his true character. I have not thought about Anakin much sense then, aside of a occasional find on Pinterest; but he is and will always be my favorite hero, followed closely by Killian “Captain Hook” Jones, William Barret Travis (the commander of the Alamo), and Bucky “The Winter Soldier” Barnes.

I have learned a great deal about myself over these past few months, the “ins and outs” of my personality, my strengths, my weaknesses; and how I can use this information to better myself. And most importantly to be okay with what makes me, me. This is something I have struggled with on a regular basis, I sell myself short, I hold back when I should have said/done something; and I have a hard time making friends, or at least I think I do. Which of course makes our recent move from Germany to New York that much more difficult. I long for our routine, the sense of belonging, the feeling of being settled, being familiar to people, and people being familiar to me. Perhaps this is why I have focused so much on bettering myself, because me is something that I can always take with…well…me.

What does this have to with Anakin you my ask? Honestly I am not sure. Anakin had struggles, he felt lonely, disconnected, and probably felt as though “normal” was always just out of his reach. Moving half way around the world, having 1 out of every 4 or 5 things go wrong, and having a “to-do” list a mile long, can feel a bit like chaos. But the good news is that, the place where we felt settled, the place that provided the belonging that we so long for; was once where we felt lonely, disconnected, and unfamiliar. Yes it takes time, but this new house will one day soon be home. The old saying, “this to shall pass”, is full of so much truth. The tunnel may be long, but the light is always there.

I have written nearly 30 posts for this blog over the past 3 years, I feel that it is time to say that this will be the last one. I hope that you have been inspired, encouraged, and blessed. I hope that you have spoken against your own doubts and fears, that you have quelled your own anger, and perhaps tried to become a little more patient. Along with Star Wars, I have written about, Killian Jones from Once Upon A Time, Spiderman, the ending to How I Meet Your Mother, Texas history, and our own family’s adventures/mishaps. I have enjoyed finding little bits of wisdom and nuggets of truth, in these real and fictional stories. I hope that you will be encouraged to look to your favorite heroes, movies, historical accounts, or right in your own backyard, and find what speaks to you.

May you be blessed, happy, and healthy. Thank you for reading!

Advertisements

Finding Purpose In Something That Makes You Sad

**Disclaimer** This post contains HUGE How I Met Your Mother spoilers!**

So for the last 10 weeks I have been (practically) binge watching the TV series How I Met Your Mother, which I loved, for the most part. I loved it until the finale. The finale left me stunned and honestly a little broken hearted. I just sat there on the couch starring at my TV in disbelief, then I cried a little, then (as embarrassing as it is to say) I had trouble falling asleep. And the next morning was no different. I realized I had not felt this way about fictional character since, Anakin Skywalker on that fateful day when God got a hold of my heart using the story of the guy who became Darth Vader.

The thing about the HIMYM finale that upset me the most was, Barney and Robin getting a divorce after 3 years of marriage. I loved Barney and Robin together, because they made so much sense and were adorable. Barney Stinson in love, is one of the most heartwarming things I have ever seen on TV. While having my morning coffee I found myself browsing through the HIMYM pins on Pinterest, and could feel tears welling up in my eyes whenever I saw something having to do with Barney and Robin. Then I realized that there was something that I needed, and that God was using this lousy series finale, to help me see that I really needed it. And that was….a good cry.

You see, my husband has been gone for several weeks, 10 in fact, and those weeks were starting to get heavy. So I went upstairs and sat on my bed, and cried my eyes out over a fictional couple (that I adored) not being able to stay married. At least I started out crying for that reason, I was also crying because I hadn’t hugged my husband or seen him in person in over 2 months. Even though I promised myself, the last time he was gone, that I wouldn’t cry when he wasn’t home; mainly because it just made me miss him even more. But today I needed it, and after releasing my built up heartache I felt better and lighter.

I was then reminded how Luke’s heartache and a revelation that certainly made him sad, inspired someone who was lost, to find himself again. God used a TV show to help me see that I needed to release some tears, that I had been stubbornly holding back. Barney and Robin’s failed marriage produced this unbelievably adorable scene with Barney and his daughter:

barney and baby

Like I said Barney Stinson in love is one of the most heartwarming things I’ve seen on TV.

Does this mean that sadness is super fun? No it doesn’t. Luke, for a time, wished that Darth Vader/Anakin was not his father, I don’t like being separated from husband and the episode where Barney proposes to Robin will always be my favorite. But what it can do is give us little moments that we would not have had otherwise. Luke gained a love for Darth Vader, I (and my husband) have a chance to truly appreciate what we have and Barney finally did find the girl that would change his life.

So the next time you feel sad, I encourage you to allow God to show you the light at the end of the tunnel and the rainbow after the thunderstorm.

“For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever.” -2 Corinthians 4:17